Ep 43 - Arti Lalwani on Costco Dates, Wedding Planning, and Indian Matchmaking

Julie

Julie: [00:00:00] Hi Artie. Welcome to our podcast.

Arti: Hey Julie. Thank you for having me.

Julie: So. Tell us how the opportunity to participate as a cast member for Indian matchmaking come up. Because if I remember correctly, I think you were briefly on season two, and obviously we saw your entire story unfold on season three. So tell us how this opportunity rose for you.

Arti: yeah, so, I was at the mixer on season two. Um,, that was, , what, what, back in 2021. So I've been filming for. Couple years now. , I was, I think originally slated for season two. , and then my story kept evolving and then, you know, it kind of just got pushed, which is perfectly fine. , I started off the process early 2021, , with a really good friend of mine, , like a family friend, was on season one.

And he's the one that connected me with one of the producers. , so, His name is Jay Wad. He went on a date with Aparna in season one. So he connected me and they [00:01:00] reached out and I just thought it was gonna be like a date or two that I do nothing like crazy, you know? and then fast forward to all of this.

Julie: Yeah, but when he reached out, you knew that it was gonna be Indian matchmaking,

Arti: Yeah, because that had already aired. It was in 2020, right? That had already just aired. , and I was you know, at the time I was very, very single. Like I was in Atlanta. I was not dating nothing. So I was like, all right, let's try this.

Julie: I think I recall you mentioning on this show that you didn't really date much prior just because you were so focused on your career. Tell us a little bit about what your dating and relationship experiences were like before the show, and when did you decide like, okay, now I'm gonna make a conscious decision to prioritize dating and you know, dating for the purposes of settling down.

Arti: So, in 2021, summer, Or 2021. There's one month that was particularly difficult for me. and in that one month, a lot of things [00:02:00] happened. I decided to move to Miami. So it's the first time that I had ever left, Atlanta, and I decided to venture out on my own. I moved to Miami not knowing anybody.

So realizing that off the bat you have to be open, you have to be social, you have to meet people, you, whether it's friends or it's like someone you wanna date. You have to meet those people. so that was already in my mindset. On top of that, I had, uh, it's, just a little bit of a long story, but I had lost all my furniture, because the moving company ended up being a scam.

So I came down here with literally nothing. So I was starting all over fresh and then, , seven days later, um, my dad passed away. So then I was back in Atlanta. So like all of this happening in that month, it made me realize that like in a new city, By myself watching my mom kind of go and navigate a life on her own after being with my dad for 38 years.

That like, I didn't wanna wait any longer to find someone. and I wanted to do like all and experience all these life things about traveling and like, life [00:03:00] itself, , with somebody. And, and the only thing that you can. You know, leave behind really in this world is, is memories and pictures and videos.

And so I wanted to do that and I wanted to share my life with someone because when you, work so much and you try to get to where you want, which is perfectly fine, your work's not gonna miss you when you leave, you're always getting that replaceable person. So I was like, let me start focusing on my personal life.

, and I wanted to give Miami the fair shot of finding someone.

 . Mm-hmm. 

Julie: So you live in Miami now. You mentioned you moved from Atlanta. So maybe just tell us about your background. Like where did, where did you grow up? Where did you go to school? What do you do for work?

I know you've talked a little bit about what you do for work on this show, but give us a little rundown , I guess.

Arti: Sure. So, , I was born in Florida, raised in Atlanta. , and so we were there since I was like four. So Atlanta has always been a big thing for me. , for, my parents, they were always about 30 to 45 minutes away from where I [00:04:00] lived. So I was constantly like there with them. You know, during the week we would have dinner, we would hang out and since my siblings at the time never lived in Atlanta, they lived somewhere else, I was always that like that , child that was like, you know, my dad would call and be like, can you explain to me how to use Excel?

I'm like, oh God, okay. You know? 

Julie: Yeah 

Arti: So like, I was that child. Um, and so I, , when they, during the pandemic, when they moved down, , it was my chance to leave because they were, they were perfectly fine being taken care of with my siblings around. Right.

Um, 

Julie: moved from Atlanta to Miami.

Arti: no, my parents were still in Atlanta. My siblings moved to Atlanta and that's when I moved out.

Julie: Got it. Got it. Okay. So your mom, does your mom still live in Atlanta?

Arti: Yep. My mom, my, yep. Both my siblings live there.

So, yeah. , and then just my background is that I work in, , compliance for cyber securities, particularly in information security bases. , and I've always, been either traveling or remote. And so that's kind of, , where I'm at.[00:05:00] 

Julie: Yeah. So with your, , career in your job, , working for the cybersecurity company, like what was the reaction from your coworkers and colleagues to you being on this show? Like, how has that dynamic impacted your day-to-day at work and joining meetings and people recognizing you, like, are people treating you differently?

You know, what has that been like?

Arti: Okay. So it's been really interesting. So like I came down here for work, , yesterday and had, dinner with my coworkers. And so of course they wanna talk about the show. They wanna like understand what's going on. And like, uh, the funniest reaction I got was like, one of the guys yesterday was like, I didn't see your show.

Just like I, I just haven't seen it yet. But I heard last night that , your fiance's jacked, I was like, okay. So they wanna like talk about it. They wanna ask how I got this experience and like what it was like. Right. , and then I've just had so many people, like all over my LinkedIn like reaching out and it's like the amount of love I'm getting is, tremendous.

And to feel that way cuz I really thought. If I come out on a show like someone's [00:06:00] gonna fire me.

Julie: Yeah.

Arti: So it's great to see the opposite reaction.

Julie: Yeah. That's great. Um, what would you say was the best and worst part about being on a reality dating show?

Arti: so I, I think, the best part of this particular show is that the. The production side of it, was phenomenal for me. they, they were wonderful in every aspect and we spent so much time filming that they captured. So much of my love story. Yeah. It looks like it's like four weeks, in all those four episodes that I'm in, but it's not, it's two years.

So to spend like that much time with these people, like they truly become like another part of your family. Right. and they see you through, through, for me, they see me through a ton of grief, a ton of , stuff that I was going through. And then they see a lot of happiness. So for them to follow my journey that way it was just, It was just amazing.

Like, that was, like, for me, the best part was being able to, do that with the team. Plus being able to meet these cast [00:07:00] members that have now become my close friends, right. Um, so those are really, truly the best parts. I think the hardest part of it is now, , It's just, it's a lot.

Like there's overwhelmingly, it's, it's wonderful. I'm getting so much love and and appreciation , for a lot of different things and I really love that. But there's also, you know, with it some hate and that's always hard to deal with. Yeah,

Julie: Yeah. I mean, like you could be the nicest person and the internet will still find ways to be extremely scrutinizing and even if you try to avoid reading the comments, like they have a way of finding their way to you.

Arti: Yeah, it's difficult, but, , you know, it only makes you stronger. And, um, if people wanna hate let them eight, that's, that's their prerogative. I did this very publicly and so I, I have to own up to that. Right.

Julie: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think what's really cool about your story specifically is we see your progression all the way to getting engaged and now you have this memory [00:08:00] that's permanently documented. Your kids and grandkids are gonna be able to like watch this and 

like what a rare, unique thing, you know.

Arti: Um, yeah, and something that people don't know is that my father filmed, Two. So like I have that footage, thank God. But, my, my father filmed, and as, part of this, I have so much love and respect for the team because of that, right? And now I have a proposal. Um, as well. And then just, just, just so much like part of your life.

Things change. Literally things change. In two years, your body changes, you go through grief, like things go up and down. So it's very hard to, like, to say that anything is stagnant. And to watch like that change was, it was, I mean, I cried myself when I saw it.

Julie: Yeah, that's really also great that you had a positive experience with the production process and the production team for this, the show Indian matchmaking, cuz I know there's some other reality TV shows up. There right now that, you know, there's a lot of stuff, lawsuits and [00:09:00] negativity surrounding , the castmates and their experience with the production team.

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Arti: I'll say one thing about this. So, , yes, we had a great positive experience and everything and then, I think everybody was really frustrated that they would get invested in these characters, on the show and, and. Their story would just fizzle out or fade or drop, right?

And so you're wondering what happened to that person? [00:10:00] And so for me, I feel like it was so phenomenal that even though SEMA did not work out for me, I did find someone, I do have an ending for you to watch. And it's like, it's a perfectly wrapped up like little, um, story that, that you don't, you don't get in any of the other, you know, characters.

And I, I love that.

Julie: Yeah. . Would you do another reality TV show?

Arti: Um, that's a heavy question, Julie. I don't know. I think if the opportunity and what it would look like arise, like if it was , you know, the same team again. Possibly, yes. Um, but not most of the reality shows are dating shows. Right. So I don't think I'm in a position to do a dating

Julie: Right. So we'll get to that in a second. But first I wanna talk about Citi. So she is definitely, I think, becoming somewhat of a polarizing figure. You know, there's a lot of backlash towards her. Traditional, perhaps outdated views [00:11:00] on relationships and expectations for a partner and things like that.

What was your overall experience working with CTI and what, oh, let's start there. What was your overall experience working with cti?

Arti: I mean, you said it si auntie is an auntie, right? Like that's, that's the end of all of it. Right. So she has those traditional views that sometimes, like my mom even has, right? And so they believe, and because they went through this. In arranged marriage and they believe it works. , I personally don't know if that's the right way.

I don't know if love marriage is the right way, and I was willing to try either or, right? Like, I've been on dating apps before and never was really great. Um, I've, I tried with sema. , the thing that I feel like you get from a dating app that you don't get from c is that you get the options, right? So when you first look at someone, it's always an attraction based.

Um, and then, okay, fine. Move past that. When you meet that person, if there's still no spark or attraction or [00:12:00] chemistry or you just see it as just friends, I think you very instantly know if you're gonna meet that person again or not. Right? That's something that CTI did not understand. , and we did get into, A slightly heated discussion, uh, which you saw only I think a part of, which was perfectly fine cuz we just have our different values and bases and, and being someone that was born in America, group in America, I'm not going to settle.

Um, that was something that my dad instilled in me. I was never going to settle.

Julie: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I, I think you did a great job of standing up for yourself in like a respectable way, but it was also slightly comedic. Comedic, you know? Um, but yeah, I thought you did a good job of getting your point across of like, Hey, you know, I am gonna be a little more decisive.

And if I don't feel that inkling or that spark, It's not something that I'm going to pursue. And sometimes you just have a gut feeling that you should just go with, you know, like I do think there's something to be said about sometimes a [00:13:00] spark doesn't show up on the first date. It shows up on the second date.

But at the same time, like your gut intuition is there for a reason and you don't need to force yourself to continue giving someone a chance when you just flat out don't want to. 

Arti: I mean, to be fair, I did go out with one of the guys a couple times. , and for me, I just felt like it wasn't, it wasn't gonna work. He wasn't in the same place that I was. And I think that as women, we understand that men can kind of be a little childish, right? So you, they have to be at a place where they're ready for that relationship, that commitment, right?

Um, and I, and I truly just felt that, I felt like he was a great guy, but it was just not going to work for me and what I was ready to commit to. And, and very clearly you see that in my journey, that I was ready for that commitment.

Julie: Right. . I liked what you said that at the end of the day, see Monte's an auntie, right? Like she gets a lot of hate, but I would rather just give her the benefit of doubt because she comes from a different generation and it would be. An unreal, like unrealistic expectation for me [00:14:00] to think that someone similar to my parents are gonna have their minds and attitudes like shift overnight or over a short, short period of time.

I do think that she is starting to grapple with the fact that like this new generation wants different things, right? Like she's still over there pushing her 60 to 70% thing. But I do think she's like starting to see that like, okay, this is a different landscape. Um, 

Arti: I, I think we see that like with her when she has that conversation with her sister about me, right? Like, I think that's where we kind of see it. Where she's like, listen, like. My America clients don't, are not what looking for what I want, you know? , and at the same time, like, uh, and I've said this kind of before, is that c believes that, marriages are made with families in America.

Your marriage is your family. So you know, you, you can welcome like your input from like your, , immediate family, but most of the time, It's not welcome. It's like you're, you know, it's part of like your process, but your family is with your [00:15:00] significant other, 

right? 

Julie: yeah. yeah. I wanna talk a little bit more about this idea of Spark. I know you mentioned it, but we, on the show we heard ante, like she's not really fully understanding this idea of Spark or like what chemistry is like. Can you talk a little bit more about how important you think, the spark is on a first date?

Like if someone, if it doesn't show up on a first date, should someone continue to go on more dates to see if the spark can be created? Like, tell us a little bit more about , what you think about that.

Arti: Um, so yeah, so it was really difficult to explain the words. Spark to Siman. , I think I tried to do it in every respectable way. I was like, there's no spark, there's no chemistry, there's no, , attraction. None of it got through without , you know, blatantly saying like, I don't feel sexually attracted.

, I don't think she understood that, you know? 

Julie: Yeah 

Arti: , and so, It was hard. Uh, even my brother tried to step up and explain it to her, and she still wouldn't, you know, a again, I don't think she cares about any [00:16:00] of that. And back in the day, that was, that would've been fine, right? But as, as a female in my thirties that already has a career, already has like everything set up, I'm gonna add someone to my life, it's going to be like for a really good reason.

I'm not just gonna add someone just for the, the hell of it. So, um, yeah, explaining like Spark to her was. Was very difficult, but I do think that spark is important or chemistry is important or attraction. , I do think that it can. Surface over time. I think there are like a lot of relationships that start off as like friendships and then end up like blossoming into a full grown relationship because over time that spark then translates to a personality attraction, right?

So that's also really important. So it's not just like the attraction that you see physically, but it's also like his personality or her personality mesh with mine. And so when, when sometimes, I find funny guys their [00:17:00] personality, even more attractive. Like, if you can make me laugh, I'm, I think you're even more attractive than what I originally thought.

And so personality can either add or subtract from that attraction. So I, I think that dating is just a, a game. And you have to, you have to figure out what, what's important to you. And at the end of the day, like there's. Attraction comes from so many different things. It's not just like physically like the attributes.

Julie: Yeah, for sure. I, I definitely agree that it's possible for chemistry to evolve. The more that you get to know someone, the more you become attracted to someone's personality, their humor. Um, so let's, , Talk about Jamal. So we know, you know, the season was filmed a while ago. It seemed like there wasn't much of a filming break between season two and season three.

It seemed like season three picked up right after season two ended. So, a lot of people are still wondering, , are some of these couples still together? So can you confirm that you and Jamal are [00:18:00] still together?

Arti: Okay, let's talk about timeline. Right.

Julie: Okay.

Arti: So, season two ends and I had done these dates with these guys from, with SEMA Auntie. Right. And it didn't work out. Uh, and then I say, okay. I do want this, I do want, I'm very like, invested in trying to find someone. It doesn't matter which way. So let me jump on a dating app and try it out.

And I literally, like I, I go through all my friends, I try to ask them what they're using, , and, and if they would look at my profile and if it, looks okay and go from there. I went out on two dates. off of that, uh, the second date happened to be, , this guy named Jamal. and we did go to Costco for our first date.

We did talk, we did like match and talk that day and then end up going to Costco that night. So I think that's also a really key piece of it, is that we matched and met immediately and that mm-hmm. Really did work out for us. , and then some of the things that you don't [00:19:00] see is that, , the next morning, I think because I paid for his pizza, um, the next morning, he called me at like, 7:00 AM and he's like, Hey, let's go to breakfast.

And I was like, no, I have work. He's like, we'll be quick. Let's go. And so there was just instantly that, like, that connection for us. Um, and so that was more than a year ago.

Julie: Mm-hmm. And you guys were both living in Miami, right?

Arti: yeah. He lived four 

Julie: Okay. 

Arti: away from him.

Julie: Oh, that's right. Yeah. So it's like it's a lot easier to kind of keep that momentum going when you can 

Arti: Absolutely. 

Julie: in person in five minutes. Yeah.

Arti: Right. Yeah. He was just like, I'll walk over. Let's have breakfast downstairs of your building. I'm like, yeah, I'm totally down. Okay, let's go. Um, and, and, and at that point, , you don't have time to like get dressed up. So he's like, you know, , we're gonna have breakfast. That's what it, that's what it looks like, right?

Um, so yeah. So fast forward, that's more than a year ago to today. We are still engaged.

Julie: [00:20:00] Amazing.

Arti: are, , happy and we did watch the show together and we both did cry at the proposal scene because we had never seen it. Jamal picking up the ring and doing all of that, never saw it. Some of the stuff that he said, , just really was fantastic, um, to see back.

And I will tell you that. The, the whole process of this, you know, everything you go through, all the tiring days, everything was so worth it when we watched it together and it really helped our relationship even more. I don't, it just pushed us into a different level watching it.

Julie: Yeah, love to hear that you guys make a super cute couple. Um, I don't think that we got to see how your family reacted to the relationship like your mom. considering like the cultural and religious differences, with Jamal being Muslim, like how did your, your family react to meeting him and what was that adjustment like for them?

Arti: [00:21:00] so in, in our date, , we talked about it slightly and it was the idea that my mom hadn't met him yet. It was just that she had seen pictures, she had heard about him, she knew all of this stuff. So, , she was not, , again, like if, if you really think about it, like my mom might have certain views like Siman D right?

So you telling Siman D or you telling my mom that I'm dating someone that grew up Muslim,

Julie: Mm-hmm.

Arti: it's not gonna go over the way that you want it to. , and so that's kind of what we were anticipating, what we were dealing with. , and so, They didn't meet until, um, maybe like five months into our relationship.

 And that too, , was, it was fine. , it just was, it, it's, it's always difficult because we had to travel. , and then so we were like, you know, he was a guest and , it's always harder when you see someone like fully throughout the, weekend, um, And I, I think like [00:22:00] overall, if we, we chat with my mom, , she really likes Jamal and she's happy like that.

I'm happy. but in the beginning it was a very difficult process, 

Julie: Yeah. 

Yeah.

yeah. I mean, I think. You know, you love who you love, and I think our parents are capable of coming around like most of our parents. And I think that, , we should give them more credit for their ability to come around and quote, you know, adjust. I mean, thinking through the several interfaith interracial couples that I know, like almost all of the brown parents started off being really upset about the situation.

And over time they, yeah, they grew to really love the person that their child was with.

Arti: Yeah. And that's what you guys see is like that, those conversations on the show was at the beginning of our relationship, like they hadn't met yet. And so Siman d you know, telling me to, to me, introduced Jamal my mom was I, in my opinion, I don't think it was her being like, Oh, your mom's gonna object, so you should [00:23:00] just introduce them.

I think she was truly just like, listen, you know, if that's who you want, then I'm happy for you, but just go get married. That's what I got from it. I feel like everybody else is taking it a completely different way.

Julie: Right. Yeah. Yeah. What do you admire about Jamal The most?

Arti: Hmm.

 Oh, what a good question. Um, So, Jamal has a ton of amazing qualities. and you guys see it. He's such a smooth talker, and he really is very like, he's very vocal in what he wants. , the first, couple weeks that we started dating, I think like my, the biggest quality that scared me and was very attractive to me was that he was so committed off the bat.

, he communicated so well and he was committed that he, within like, a couple weeks of us starting to date, everybody's like worried about this conversation of like, are we exclusive? Where is this going? Mm-hmm. Everybody's so scared to have that conversation. And to meet Jamal [00:24:00] goes, I was like, okay, let's just keep dating, but like, I kind of wanna just be exclusive right now and, and see where it goes.

But you know, he goes, no, if we're gonna be exclusive, you're gonna be my girlfriend. And I was like, is that what you want? And he was like, yes. I was like, can we just like, like feel it out for a minute? And he goes, no. He's like, either you are in or you're out. And I was like, What am I scared of? Like why am I so scared of someone that wants to make a commitment?

And so I gave it a shot and it was probably the best shot of my life.

Julie: Amazing. I love it. There is something so attractive about a man who just like knows what he wants, isn't afraid to just make that very clear. , so that's really awesome. So you met Jamal on the dating app. Were you using dating apps regularly before that or was that like the first time that you had downloaded the apps, like when you met him around that time?

Arti: So the last time I used a dating app was in Atlanta, so that would be maybe more than a year, , from when I used one.

Julie: Mm-hmm.

Arti: To when I like jumped on Hinge. So yeah, so like, [00:25:00] I mean, it's not like the first time I jump on this dating app, all of a sudden I meet Jamal in the end. Like it's not this like crazy love story you guys, but it's, it's definitely like, okay, I hadn't, I hadn't been like using a dating app.

I was actually meeting people like at the dog park or like at the gym or random places that I was going to already, and that's where I was starting to date. And then I really gave process to what CIMA said, and also you have to realize that. I was going through my own grief. So for six months after my dad passed, I'm still doing this process with sema, but I'm also like really struggling to like figure out how to deal with my own grief, you know?

And you have to give time and process to that. So by the time I was ready, I jumped on that dating app, was when I met Jamal. It just, it happened to work out so well.

Julie: Yeah. you guys live together?

Arti: We do, 

Julie: Okay. 

do you think it's a good idea for couples to live together before they get married?

Arti: before they get married? Yes, because I will tell you they're, you [00:26:00] know, as, as wonderful as Jamal is, he's also very, very annoying. Um, And so there are like parts that, we have really worked out since we started living together that we would've never had those conversations before, otherwise. and those are important conversations because you can't just move in with someone and think it's perfectly fine, especially as like a person that had been living by themselves for so many years.

Like it was the biggest adjustment. For me personally, it was fine. It was a bigger adjustment for me.

Julie: So this is the first time that you have lived with a guy, .

Arti: Yeah. And we didn't move in together until we were engaged and we're not, I'm not saying that's like the way to go, do what, what works for you, right. Um, but take your arbitrary timeline of living with someone for a year and then then getting married for a year and then doing this, whatever it is in your head and throw it out the door cuz it's never gonna work that way.

Julie: Yeah. What do you think the biggest adjustment has been [00:27:00] with living with a guy?

Arti: They're so dirty. Like I, I don't think of myself as being like a super clean freak, but like living with Jamal, I feel super O c D now. Like if anybody has like, tips on how to get him to clean up more, please tell me. And then we both work from home.

Julie: Mm.

Arti: That is the hardest part, is that like we are always up in each other's stuff, 

Julie: Yeah. Do you guys have your own offices at home?

Arti: We do, but we both like to be in the same room because that room is just like a bigger room. So we both end up like working. So when I'm on like a work call, I can hear him on his work call like, and it's just vice versa and it's so annoying and we should probably stop doing that. Um, and we are in the process of trying to buy a house.

, but it is just not the market at the moment. So we are, we are waiting to get. That space. But it's so much better than when I had my one bedroom and now at least we have like a two bedroom condo.

Julie: Mm-hmm. Do you [00:28:00] foresee you guys living in Miami. For 

the near future at least.

Arti: you try to get Jamal to move away from Miami and that too downtown. but yeah, we're gonna stay, I would like to move a little bit north of Miami, 

Julie: Mm-hmm. 

Arti: gonna stay in Florida for sure.

Julie: Got it. And is Jamal from Miami like, or from Florida? Is this where his family, like He was born and raised.

Arti: Um, I think he's born and raised in Michigan, grand Rapids. , and so he's dealt with the cold all his life, and so now this kid, you can't even get him to, to put a shirt on anymore when he's here.

Julie: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. what are some things that you and Jamal do to prioritize and continue to invest into the relationship?

Arti: Okay, so, , let me tell you the cutest thing that he told me two days ago. So we've been like, dealing with the show and all of this, right? And it's just been stressful. and so two days ago he came up to me and he was like, listen, We gotta slow down. He's like, we gotta make time for ourselves.

[00:29:00] We gotta invest in like our relationship. We gotta make it better. And I was like, okay, what do you want? And he goes, every Saturday. Is, going to be date day. And what we're gonna do is the other person decides, they pick , what the other person wants to do that day. So it's not that.

He's like, okay, let me pick , what we're doing for a date. He's like, you pick what I would like. To do that day. So it, it takes this effort of , okay, we're, we're making a conscious choice to do something that the other person wants to do, and we wanna make it a great day for them. And that way, at least, once a week, we're always, , doing date night.

, and so that, to me, I think is gonna be really great. , and then right now we also do, like, Sundays are our, one of our favorite days where we work out together and then we go on a walk or we go to the farmer's market or you know, we do a massage every Sunday. We do like a couple's massage.

Um, and so are like the relaxing things before we start the week up [00:30:00] again. So we do spend, you know, a lot of time together, but my favorite is when we're actually out doing things.

Julie: Yeah. I love that. Have you guys started wedding planning? 

Arti: Um, no. We're probably gonna have a destination wedding more than likely. Um, I like a very small, , family based, , wedding. And Jamal's side is also very small in that way. , I would love to invite everybody that has shown us love, but that's not gonna happen. I don't have that money.

So we are not, , yet started. But, , another thing that will warm your har heart. Um, Is that Jamal wants to get started right away with wedding planning. We've just been keeping our engagement so quiet for so long that we are in the process of ready to, to start planning, and there's just a lot of emotions that come with that.

But yeah, we're, we haven't started yet, but we want to,

Julie: Yeah.[00:31:00] I mean, you guys have been engaged for over a year, right? At this point.

Arti: we've been engaged.

Um, nine months.

Julie: Okay, so basically you had to kind of keep your engagement under wraps for the show up until this point, right?

Arti: Yeah, like our family, some of our family knew like the immediate family. and then like the extended family found out when they watched the show, so that was a fun thing to tell them. Um, So, yeah, and like a couple of our close friends knew, um, and to the point that like, you know, I never stopped wearing my ring and there's all these like articles about it because there are pictures of me just wearing it because why would you stop?

Um, so yeah, we've been quiet except for the people that have been around us and that no, , 

Julie: have you started scoping out wedding destinations or is that still to be explored?

Arti: determined. And, you know, honestly I think I'm going to leave a lot of this up to my followers. , I've gotten so much love and I, [00:32:00] you know, I wanna kind of throw it back at them and ask them for their advice. Cuz a lot of these people coming, coming and, and sending me messages, say, you know, they're married.

To a Muslim, or they're Muslim and they're married to Hindu, , or they have a interfaith, a different, you know, religious wedding. Um, and so I wanna ask, I, I want people , to freely give me their advice because, , this is the first time that I'm wedding planning, so, I just wanna see like, , what type of ceremonies everybody's done.

Like is it secular, , is it religious? And I wanna ask like the locations and, and , I truly wanna throw up a ton of polls and questions and see what people say. Um, and if you don't like wedding content, you're probably not gonna love you.

Julie: cool. Cool. All right, , , Last few questions. . , so you're in your early thirties. Uh, I'm in my early thirties too. But I would love for you to share, like, you know, you've kind of navigated the, the dating world and you found love after focusing on your [00:33:00] career and like personal goals.

, what advice would you give to women who may be feeling discouraged or impatient while waiting for their own? Person to come along.

Arti: You have to love yourself before you can let somebody else love you, and that is the hardest thing to accept because in everybody's mind, you're like, I already love myself. But when you start dating, And you don't have that confidence that like, I deserve this and I deserve that. And you just kind of date anybody because you feel like, okay, they're attractive and I'm good with them.

then you aren't doing yourself a justice. And that's where like you end up in these like toxic relationships and trust me, I've been there, right? So I get that. But from my perspective, when I really focused on myself and I'm like, I don't need a single person in my life. And if I'm gonna add you to my life, and it's going to be a phenomenal person, that makes like [00:34:00] my life great because at this time, like I could have kids on my own if I really wanted to, you know?

Mm-hmm. Like there's so much technology, I don't need to keep a man around if I don't want them. So if you come in with that mindset, You're gonna be super picky, which is gonna be the advice that CTI's gonna tell you never to do. But from my perspective, that's what worked out for, for me, is because I was, I was picky and I was willing to be flexible on like some of the physical attributes and things like that, only because, I knew what I wanted for 

Julie: Yeah.

Yeah. I love that. I, I feel like I. Didn't really start like really prioritizing dating until it was in my late twenties. And like sometimes people ask me if I regret it or if I wish that I'd started earlier, and I'm like, absolutely not, because I feel like those years were so valuable just in terms of building up my own sense of identity, whether that's through like career travels, like passions, you know, side ho like hobbies and [00:35:00] things like that.

And I feel like that allows you to show up so much more, , when that relationship does come. , what is something that is bringing you a lot of joy right now?

Arti: Okay. So what is something that's bringing me a lot of joy right now? , I would say, um, so I was super happy with my single life, uh mm-hmm. And in every aspect of it. But Jamal brings me a lot of joy and I don't think that people realize the amount of happiness that being with , someone that, that truly like respects you and, and, is committed to you.

Means like to your life and tr like honestly, it's, yeah, we see it like there are people like in our dms and, and testing both of us, but at the end of the day, we still choose each other and we didn't do this show to like leave and, you know, um, pick up somebody else. Uh, we're, we're very committed to each other and that's, [00:36:00] that's what is.

Causing me so much joy is that we still, at the end of the day, no matter who is testing us, we are choosing to be with each other.

Julie: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love the, the way that you, I think you put it on this show was like, You really feel like he adds to your life. And I think that's like a really good way to sum up in a single sentence. , they're adding to your life in so many different ways, right? Like emotional support, shared experiences, attraction, vision, and all of that.

Arti: That emotional support is so real. Because I am not an emotional person and he is, so it's usually me giving him that emotional support, right. But like lately from the show and everything, he's been the one that's given it back to me. And so to see like different levels of our relationship itself, to know that like, you know, your relationship goes through so many ups and downs.

People have losses in their own relationship. PE people lose their job. People, you know, like have children. Like there's so many ups and downs to [00:37:00] know that your person is there to back you no matter what is. 

Julie: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think this is a good place to wrap up. Artie, where can people find you? Plug your Instagram and your social media.

Arti: Um, yeah. So my Instagram is, Artie h Lewan, um, and I definitely say the white version of my name. So for all the Indian people, it's uh, Artie h Lewan, and you can find me on Insta.

Julie: Thank you, Artie, for coming on the show. I am so excited for our audience to hear this.

Arti: Perfect. Thank you, Julie. I appreciate it.