Ep 42 - Bobby Seagull on Dating, Salsa Shoes, & the Friend Zone | Indian Matchmaking S3

Bobby Seagull: I'm really excited to speak to you, Julie.

Julie George : You know, I was so excited to see you on Indian matchmaking because I think you're the first Malu person that's been on the show. I'm curious about the origins of your name. Like first your email is Jay Bobby, so where does Jay come from?

Bobby Seagull: , so my dad gave us all the first name Jay. In Kerala sometimes people have a family name. They all have like all the men have the same name. So he sort of tried to replicate that in London. So all of us have the first name Jay, but actually it's our second name, that's our home or real name.

So Jay, Dave, then Jay Bobby, then Jay John, then Jay Thomas. So the only time I've ever called Jay is. In secondary school, on the first day, they were reading out the names and they said, JC Gal. And I put my hand up and said, oh, my name is Bobby, that she's like, no, it says Jay here. You're Jay. 

, , but my surname, that's actually Julia, even more interesting story. my dad's surname is Jo. Um, and for non Molly Ali listeners, uh, it probably derived some Jose or [00:01:00] Joseph. The Portuguese came to Kerala. obviously bought Catholicism, Christianity, so my family are Catholic, but my dad, so my dad should technically have call me J Bobby Jo.

But he read a book growing up called Jonathan Livingston Siegal, and it's written the sixties, seventies, and, um, It's all like millions of copies, especially in the US and it's about a seagull that dare to be a bit different because I don't know whether seagulls any different in the states, Judy, but in London, seagulls are bloody annoying.

They just, they come round, they steal your chips, they'll cause chaos. in this book, seagulls are no different. They just, you know, all they do is they live to eat fish. But actually one seagul called Jonathan Livingston. He found actually that by flying he could express greater meaning in life, 

 actually he tried to teach other seagulls the same thing. So my dad loved the idea of someone learning something and passing on the message to other people. So hence, , J Bobby Seagull. So totally made up, but my name from day one.[00:02:00] 

Julie George : . 

So your dad legally changed your last name from like changed the family last name from Jos, which is a traditional Molly Alley last name to Siegel. Like once they immigrated to the uk.

Bobby Seagull: so, so they moved to London in the late seventies. Um, so interestingly with the surname, I dunno whether it's different in other countries like India or the us but on your birth certificate it says, what's the name of the father? Name of the mother. And back then it said, what's the occupation of the father? Didn't say the occupation of the mother back then , it says certain with a child you can put anything you want. And in the UK to this day, as long as it's not offensive, or doesn't have a number in it. So you can't be like Joe's 2.0,. So you can do anything you want as long as it's not offensive.

Julie George : Got it. So your parents immigrated to the UK from Caroline, you said in the seventies. So you were born in the uk?

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, so me and my, so my mom's side of the family pretty much all moved to London, east London. Uh, my dad's side are much more scattered, so they, some stayed in [00:03:00] India, some went to the Middle East or the Gulf as they

call it. Um, some went to the us, some went to Canada. But all my mom's side of the family moved to London.

Julie George : And do you know why your family specifically chose to settle in the uk? Like did you already have other family members that were already there or what brought them to the UK specifically?

Bobby Seagull: So I think Judy, they were the first to come to London. And the reason , , it's a good question. I should probably ask them why did they pick London? But from what I understand is, so my mom's father, so my grandfather Lar Alexander, he , worked. for the British Army as like a medic. He wasn't a doctor, but like as a medic I think.

And he was stationed in Singapore. Um, and because of that, I think a lot of people who'd worked for the British were given the right to move to London at some stage. So I think in the late seventies he took the offer up and then moved to London. So presumably, yes, the British connection made us come to London. 

Julie George : And you mentioned you have a couple siblings, so how many siblings do you have? You have three other [00:04:00] siblings. So 

there's four of you. 

Are they older, younger.

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, so one's older, Davy, uh, or J Dave. Then there's John j John, technically and the youngest one, Tommy, but Jay Thomas. So there's one of four boys, and you know, from Ma Ali families, maybe Indian families as well. My mother wanted to have one girl, you know, you know, all the things that mothers want to pass on to daughters.

She just got four boys and

four headaches instead. 

Julie George : they just kept trying and then eventually after four of 'em, they had to give 

up. Yeah. So, so what was it like growing up, being part of an Indian immigrant family, you know, in the uk? I think so. I was born in Kerala and my family immigrated

Bobby Seagull: Now, which, which uh, part of Carlo were you born? Julie.

Julie George : uh, uh, I think somewhere in Coram.

Bobby Seagull: Okay. Uh, so my mom's from column, which is quite near Katy. My dad's from a place called Aloe Apo. Aloe, where the famous like narrow boat

races are. We've got the 

backwaters. 

Julie George : The backwaters. Yeah. Yeah. So, you [00:05:00] know, I would say like most of my friends and family, Including myself who grew up in the US and had, you know, immigrant families. Like we've all, I think, experienced some element of discrimination, stereotyping that really made us question our belonging and like who we are.

So I'm curious, what was your experience like growing up in the UK as, as an Indian and coming from like an Indian immigrant background?

Bobby Seagull: Mm-hmm. So we grew up still live in a place, , in East London, , in a town called East Ham. And the only reason why East Ham might have a bit of fame is uh, it's right next door to a town called West Ham. And West Ham have a quite a famous Premier League football club. 

If anyone watching Ted Lasso, I've not watched it, but there's an Apple series called Ted Lasso and in series three, west Ham they're, they're a big club in season three. I'm from East Ham, so we grew up there , in a councilor state and I dunno what the equivalent in the US is, maybe like the projects, 

um, Okay. 

so like rough neighborhoods.

Julie George : Yep. Projects 

Bobby Seagull: so we grew up there, but partly because it's an affordable place to [00:06:00] live. but growing up there actually. East London is quite a diverse , so obviously UK's majority white British . That's the history of the country. But in cities, like if you've go to Birmingham, Glasgow, you find large South Asian populations.

 London's no different, if you go to North London, you find lots of grates and Punjabis. East London you'll find a lot of South Asian. So you might find ta millions, , people from Sri Lanka. Um, Somas. , but growing up I would say it was a challenging upbringing because we didn't have much money.

We grew up in a, a counselor state. and in terms of like race and experience there, it's a weird thing because even though I was very aware I was Indian ma Ali , I went to a Catholic primary school, St. Michael. So we'd go to the same church. We'd meet lots of Malias in fact, In our church, a lot of Filipinos as well.

Uh, a lot of Ghanaians and Nigerians, and I guess that reflects the Catholic East London population. to be honest, weird enough, I probably didn't experience much racism as a child, but more probably in my teens and my twenties, which is strange. You'd [00:07:00] expect as you become older, society is more leveled.

But I think in the UK we've had a lot of issues since they voted to leave the European Union. So people that sort of had maybe harbored. weird Xenophobic tendencies have had it sort of tucked under. But since 2017, I've experienced probably more racism in the last six years than I have in my previous whole life.

Obviously there's been odd isolated incidents, but I think on the whole, east London is quite cosmopolitan, so actually people are united by the fact that they're so diverse. So I've experienced actually more racism, although not a great deal, but more racism in the last six years than my previous adult life combined.

Yeah, that's so interesting. I would say my personal experience was the opposite where I felt, I think I experienced much more discrimination and stereotyping growing up 

Bobby Seagull: Mm-hmm. 

because growing up it wasn't cool to be Indian. You know, like I got made fun of for being Indian, but now I think there's been a shift where. 

It's almost seen as like a trending [00:08:00] thing to be a person of color or come from an ethnic background and things like that. 

Bobby Seagull: Yes.

So it's kind of interesting how that dynamic has shifted in our society, but at the same time, I can also understand. You know, What you shared? Like, I can understand the flip side where. 

. People are experiencing more discrimination and racism in the last few years specifically, because I do think we've seen. A lot more of these high profile political figures take on these very nationalist, extreme type views. 

And I think a by-product of that is. Emboldening people to feel validated in expressing their racist and bigoted views more publicly. Right. It's almost like seeing these people in power share rhetoric that is. You know, targeting minority groups and targeting immigrants in a discriminatory nature now reinforces and validates the people who have always felt those views deep down, like now they feel emboldened to be more [00:09:00] public about it. 

which is unfortunate. Um, yeah, so I think what was cool about season three of the show of Indian matchmaking was that it seemed like they really try to create more. Diversity on the show in terms of perspective so we saw castmates from not just the us and india but also the uk this season so how did the opportunity to go on indian matchmaking come on like Where and how did this opportunity come up

Bobby Seagull: So to understand that maybe it's good to understand how I ended up watching the show in the first place. So, uh, before lockdown, so March, 2020. So I used to live, with my family. , so I'm a part-time high school math teacher. So I've translated for Americans in England, I'd call it a secondary school maths teacher, but I know in North America they'll call it a high school math without the F.

So I teach part-time in a secondary school, and I do a lot of stuff like television, radio, a lot of like nerdy

communication. Uh, but in the second lockdown, uh, when schools opened up again, [00:10:00] Obviously wouldn't be safe for me to go into a school environment and bring back anything to my parents. so I moved out and at the time I was, you know, like being a MA and being a South Asian, I never really thought about moving out.

I thought I'd only move out when I get married because that's the sort of thing that South Asians do. but I Needed to move out, I dropped a WhatsApp in my family. We got like a cousin's WhatsApp , , does anyone know a place locally that I could rent?

. And within like literally like 30 seconds, one of my cousins called Derek, said, Hey, you can move in with me. Just no hesitation, no questions. And then, so within a few days, I had moved into my cousin's place and then we spent lockdown. I think the second and third lockdown together.

So Derek, is a big fan of Netflix, and to be honest, I don't know if I, I, before lockdown and even in early lockdown, I wasn't a big binge watcher. I don't really binge maybe just my personality, uh, although it's changed now, I'm more of a binge now. I never used to be. so he was watching something called Indian Matchmaking and I was like, why is this?

And he like went back to episode one and we got obsessed by it, [00:11:00] watched it all and laps. He loved it. Got all our cousins to watch it. Uh, obviously because it's about our Indian culture, we really resonated with it. And I think in maybe the second or third lockdown, I saw a Facebook ad that said, are you Indian?

Would you like to apply for a process to find you a potential partner? They'll film, film this. And we like thought it's not gonna be Indian matching, but it didn't look like it. Just like a. Who said, ah, we're all single young men. Youngish not, I'm not so young anymore, but youngish Uh, so we all applied using Know the Facebook and heard nothing of it for months and months and months, maybe 6, 9, 6 to nine months.

And then I got an email, that said, ah, you have been cast, uh, not cast, you've been selected to go through the next stage. of the show and it's actually Indian matchmaking, oh wow. It's actually the program. And then I don't think any of my other cousins got through to the next stage. So I went for the interview and again, didn't expect to get through cause I thought, oh, you know, gonna be hundreds of people that are wanting to apply.

when I got the final offer, I was like, oh, [00:12:00] excited. Because I know my parents, really want me to get married. And I, and again, even though I work in UK television as sort of like a math science communicator, I'll do anything to try and meet the right person. So I actually, uh, one I love the show.

Two, it's fun to take part in a filming process, but three, actually, probably more importantly, maybe I might meet someone. 

Julie George : Amazing. Okay, so you got the opportunity cause you responded to a Facebook ad and you were like, what the heck? Why not? What do I have to lose? And remind us, how old are you?

Bobby Seagull: I'm now 39. I think when I applied. I might have been 37 at the

Julie George : Yeah. And so did you move back in with your parents? Like do you live back home with your parents now or are you 

Bobby Seagull: Now, Now, I am a, I'm a bachelor living by myself. It was really strange at first. Now I'm sort of used to it. I see my parents all the time. Like I talk to my mom and dad on Skype, from WhatsApp. I'll see them, every week. Uh, so I'm very, very close to my parents and my siblings and my cousins.

Julie George : Right. . And so how far away do your parents live , from you? 

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, so literally like, um, a couple of, couple of miles [00:13:00] away.

So it's in the same borough in London. 

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Julie George : And what was your family's initial reaction to you being on the show?

Bobby Seagull: I think first and foremost, they want me to get married. Like my mom always, if I sit with her pretty much. almost every conversation my mom. Ends with Bobby and she'll lose a little head tilt and our listeners can't [00:14:00] see my head tilt, a little head tilt and she says, you found a girl.

literally every conversation. , so for them, they're very happy that I'm taking the prospect of meeting a future partner very seriously. But obviously they know it's filmed and that changes a slight dynamic. And even though they know that I've done television in the uk, took part in a game show called University Challenge and for North American listeners it's a bit like quiz bowl.

So quiz competitions, but for universities in the uk but it was on television. So I took part was captain of my Cambridge team when I was doing my masters, went viral for being like really enthusiastic. And then the BBC sort of said, oh, Bobby, we love your enthusiasm. We'd love you to take part in different shows, hosting road trips.

So I had this. Career where I teach, but I also am one of the public figures for math and science education in England. so I wasn't so scared about the television side. Ah, I'm comfortable with the camera on my face, but obviously I'm not comfortable with the camera in a date.

That's very different , so that my family is a bit concerned, but they thought if he might meet someone, we will [00:15:00] support him 100%.

Julie George : yeah, so, you know, you're already, you just mentioned you, you've done television in the uk. Um,, I also read, you've written some books as well, right? 

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, so I written two books and, uh, sort of a consultant on the third book, and I'm writing a fourth book now.

Julie George : . So has being on Indian matchmaking, like kind of heightened the recognition and attention compared to before? Like how would you compare that and like, are more people recognizing you because of the show and what has that experience been like for you?

Bobby Seagull: So I would say the people in the UK some, the University Challenge is a sort of very middle class program, predominantly watched by white middle-aged people above 60. That's the homeland audience. And sometimes their kids are like in their thirties or twenties, will watch it with them.

So if I get recognized in the uk, they'll probably be above 60, they might be a pensioner and they'll be a big fan and say, oh, hello Bobby, I loved you on this game show. Or they love my road trip shows a lot of my programming. Even though I think I'm quite cool, I am an nerd. And I think my programming tends to be for the, sort of like the older [00:16:00] audience.

They love like a bit of cerebral engagement. Um, and I started doing more like, news commentary, dabbling in other game shows, panel shows in the uk, but it tends to be a certain type of audience. Indian matchmaking, I think has meant one. The UK Indian audience are much more aware of me now in a way in which they weren't before.

I know like, because I'm a math teacher, I do get like Indian families messaging me on Twitter, Instagram or LinkedIn saying, ah, can I get some advice to my son or daughter? But this show has probably magnified that like tenfold. So I'd say one, it's like the international, I now get a lot, I get a lot of messages, dms, um, from like people actually a lot of people from, black, AFRI, African, American communities in the us, , which I've never really had much ex encountering with because I guess my programs are UK based, but an Indian diaspora as well, which I've not really had before.

Julie George : Mm-hmm. What would you have to say about your experience working with SEMA auntie, , both onscreen and offscreen? Like how would you describe your rapport with her?

Bobby Seagull: So first, like for me watching [00:17:00] season one, I was in the state of awe about C Marty. She's a legendary person, and has this sort of aura about her. So the fact that when I met her first I was genuinely actually like, wow, she is like matchmaking royalty, television royalty. So I was in awe.

But then once you get to know her, get to meet her, have conversations, obviously these are filmed, then you realize that she's someone that has . Real expertise and experience in that field of trying to connect people with potential partners. So a lot of admiration and respect for that. and obviously she's come from Mumbai, coming over to the uk it's obviously a different market, but I'm always someone, my whole life, I always believe that you should be humble and trying to learn from other people because you obviously got your set of life experiences, other people have different experiences and especially when it comes to matchmaking.

C obviously has, you know, spent. Decades doing that. So I was willing to do anything that it takes to try and meet someone. So actually C Martin could have been, you know, the solution for me.

Julie George : Yeah. Yeah. It seemed like you really engaged withs in a very [00:18:00] polite and respectful manner. Like you, it seemed like you had a very endearing kind of relationship with her.

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, and I think she could tell that because if you watch the three seasons, obviously the, the joy of a show is that the cast members are all different styles, different personalities. But I'd like to think my nature is, Not that I'm a, a doormat. I dunno if that's a phrase in, but I'm, I'm always someone that's willing to engage with people being very open and honest, want to be constructive.

I'm always looking to improve as a, person. And the only way you can do that is if you are willing to take on feedback, the good and the not so good. that's why with C Martin I went in very open-hearted and wanted to see how she could support me in potentially meeting a partner.

Julie George : Yeah. Would you say her offscreen personality is similar to her onscreen personality?

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, so I would say I didn't have like huge dealings with C Monty, cuz it was a lot was on camera meeting her and in between the sets and talking. But I felt like she was always very sort of respectful, very polite. and again, when I took my parents into this process, I was a [00:19:00] bit concerned for them thinking, oh, they've never done television.

, they don't want to be television personalities. I, I want to engage in that field. But she treated them with a lot of respect and made them feel very welcome. So, for that, I am very grateful for Seamont.

Julie George : Yeah. Okay. That's great. That's great to hear. Um, have you experienced any kind of online negativity since appearing on Indian matchmaking?

Bobby Seagull: So I would say, because I've done television before, I was. More prepared. I think probably the most cast members to deal with any negativity generally, to be honest, because of my personality, it's a bit, bland is a terrible word, but I'm not really good. No one's gonna say, oh my God, I hate Barbie Siegel.

People sometimes hate me in the very small minority for being too chatty and smiley. And maybe, to be honest, the vast majority of people on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and dms have been really positive saying they really like my warmth and openness, but the small one to 2% have just said, shut [00:20:00] up.

You're too talkative. And if that's the worst they can say to me and to honest again, as, as someone that's always trying to improve, I'm always open to, actually, I'm grateful people have said I talk too much because I can always like notch it down. Weird enough. I think in real life I am, I'm a good listener.

In fact, a lot of my friends at university and in work, they know that Bobby's a good person to go to because I'm willing to sit there for an hour and listen to people. But also I know that I'm someone that can probably talk for an hour nonstop as well. Um, so the negative I had, Most are just brushed off.

You know, like they'll say, oh, Bobby needs to shut up. , I've responded to a couple of them, like tongue in cheek said, actually, your spotter, my mom will say the same thing because my family has, my family have known this for 39 years, that I need to be a bit more quiet.

So, uh, if anything it's, it's helped me to learn that I should be a bit more calm, a bit more quiet.

Julie George : Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you, you definitely have a very palatable personality. It's hard for anyone to be like, oh, Bobby sucks. And 

Bobby Seagull: Uh, thank you. 

Thank 

Julie George : people are saying is, is you're too chatty, [00:21:00] that's not that bad.

Bobby Seagull: Although I got a lot of the, the, the specific incident I got a lot of like, intriguing feedback was wearing salsa shoes. And again, it's not a UK word, but the word that people said as soon as he wore the salsa shoes, it gave me the ak. Why? Why is that? Is that like a, is that an American phrase or

Julie George : Ick. I've been hearing the word ick used more frequently lately on TikTok. Ick kind of means like, 

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, 

Julie George : that. 

Bobby Seagull: I think people said they got the ick when I wore my salsa shoes, but like, if you're gonna do something, oh, think do it properly. So, you know, I'm not gonna wear flat shoes. Salsa shoes are meant to help you have that sort of side words rotating movement. So I think people said as soon as you wore the shoes, it was over for me.

Julie George : , how long have you been salsa dancing? I don't 

Bobby Seagull: So I, so I, I, the thing is I did a few months. I'm not naturally a dancer. . It's just not been my, it's not my skill. So I want to. Try to learn to dance. Weird enough, I don't think I've been to a salsa class maybe since that experience. I did it for a few months and that would, I, I'm not, I was not being scarred by the [00:22:00] experience, but maybe it's a weird coincidence, but I do need to go back to dancing.

Julie George : Yeah. How would you describe your dating and relationship experiences in the UK throughout your twenties and thirties? Like have you had serious relationships before? Are you using dating apps? You know, give us a little insight 

Bobby Seagull: So I've had one serious relationship, and I think I pointed this out on matchmaking. It was about five and a half years, and I think this was, Priya said she was with someone for 11 years, and immediately my mind is like, oh. Five and a half to 11, that's a one to two ratio. And some people said, oh, is Bobby trying to like, make some weird comparison?

Oh, it's just a number spot. Uh, interestingly, just a little backtrack, A lot of people did tell me in social media they think I might have like a D H D, which is attention deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I am gonna get that checked out. I'm just like a very energetic person, funnily enough for my family.

So my brothers are not all like me. One of my youngest brothers, Tommy, he's a. Criminal barrister, very smart. Like one day will be Prime Minister, I think in, in England. He sometimes, if I stay with him [00:23:00] in the morning, he'll say, Bobby, don't talk to me until I've had breakfast. Because I wake up and I'm immediately ready to go.

I'm like, let's talk, let's chat. Whereas obviously other people need to warm up. I'm just constantly go, go, go, go, go, go. From, from the, the morning I wake up. Uh, but in my twenties, so I had a serious relationship. , with a person that was south Asian, uh, British, Gujarati, and I think it just in your twenties, even though it was a really good relationship, I think in your twenties, people, you're not the adult you're meant to be because again, science says you reach your sort of maturity.

I think 25 because your prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed, and that's your rational decision making center. So if you enter in a relationship before you 25, which I did, obviously you can have a great time and really respect each other, but in 3, 4, 5 years, your brain is developed. So you actually different people.

Um, so yeah, that's how didn't work out. 

Julie George : Yeah. I. Personally believe that people should not be picking their life partner before 25. Just because your twenties are such [00:24:00] formative years, you know, the person that you are at 24 is not gonna be the person that you are at 34.

, and so it's, I I think more people will benefit by picking their life partners later on in life than before.

Bobby Seagull: Mm, definitely. There should be maybe like a, if you will get mad before 25, there should be like a questionnaire that the government says, are you sure? You're definitely sure.

Julie George : , , the stats for divorce are like 50%, right. So I think, yeah, and I think, by waiting till you're. At least 30 to get married. You've already statistically avoided your first divorce because most divorces that happen are, uh, their first marriages happened when they were in their twenties.

Bobby Seagull: Yeah so Uh, in my thirties, I've just been using online apps, me asking, uh, friends to recommend. and I actually, like I do make. A lot of effort to try and meet the right people in my own community and outside. So I'm open to anyone . , but the issue I think is because I'm so chatty, and it probably came across a matchmaking, I think [00:25:00] a lot of women, maybe they find it.

It's, I'm not much of a catch. I'm too easy because first date I must chat. Here again, I think the problem is when I chat to my friends, I treat dates the same way. I'll be chatty open. the way I'm talking to you now, my first date or second date would be exactly the same. So they're like, He's not really being hard to get, he's not really being challenging.

So I'm not, I'm not a cha, I'm what you see as a, what you kind of get person. So it means that dating, I think people sometimes get maybe like, oh, they get, not get bored, but they're like, oh, they need a, they need someone who puts a few more obstacles. So I think like I would be a, yeah, like I always think I would be a great husband, you know, good father, because all the traits that people want, you know, I, I'm considerate, I'm caring.

I'll, I'll really look after the other person. I'll be, you know, I think I'll be a really good teammate. But in the dating stage, early dating stages, people need some, maybe need to feel it. There's a thrill of some sort of chase. And weirdly enough, Judy, sometimes I've experimented in a respectful way to be a bit more quiet and not as [00:26:00] talkative.

Um, And sort of held back my kindness and , the dates are much more into me and it gets frustrating because that's not me. So they're obviously like liking this guy that's quiet and not as kind and polite. I'm never unkind, but I'm just like holding back on the super kindness. I'm like, wow, why is that getting more attention?

That's not me. So like, So I did think about for a while, should I try and change who I am, be quieter, not be as kind and as generous. But then the person dating me after like a few months, like, where did this guy come from? Now he's all generous and kind and happy. And when I first met him, he was pretend.

He was like, you know, he's pretending to be moody, but now he's not. So maybe I should just be myself. I shouldn't pretend to be someone I'm not.

Julie George : Yeah. Yeah. , I agree. I think authenticity is the way to go. So, which you mentioned you use dating apps. Which dating apps are you on?

Bobby Seagull: So I've got my phone, so my go-to tends to be hinge. Is that popular in states?

Julie George : Yes, it is.

Bobby Seagull: Hinge is good. I feel [00:27:00] like, because you know, you get enough info about the person, like their bio data, they're a bit of their personality, but it's not too much. Like there's some like website. Are really complex, so Kinde is quite good.

I've tried Tinder, but Tinder does feel like it's for hookups. And I'm not into hookups. So that's the wrong app. I have downloaded Dil Mill, which is the, in fact, dil Mill, the founder who's actually single, he was on match making

this 

season. 

Julie George : yeah. yeah. Kj.

Bobby Seagull: it hilarious.

So like the guy that's like the, the dating guru for South Asians is not, it's not worked out for him. But on Dill Mill, interestingly in the uk, there tend not to be a. As many Ma Alis and people from Kerala. It's interesting is so some of my family members have tried experimenting cuz they change their, their sort of Indian background to like Gu Punjabi or neutral.

They'll get many more matches, whereas they put Ma Ali, the matches get much more restricted. So I have tried it, but not, not with much success.

Julie George : mm Interesting. , so obviously on this show you're being paired with Indian people. Are you also open to dating [00:28:00] non-Indian people, like people outside the culture? I know you mentioned your first girlfriend was. British Gujarati, so not Ma.

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, not Maria. at first my parents are like, Hmm, she's not Maria. But they obviously then they warm to the person. So I think at this stage, myself, and my parents, are open to anyone, any, any ethnicity, race, religion. Um, and to honest. I, I've always believed. That the person who they are, the content of their character, that is the number one most important thing.

Cause if you've got a good hearted kind person, they can make anything happen. And obviously if they have cultural references that you understand, whether they're Anglo-Saxon or from Kerala. Of course the more connection points you have, the more likely that that relationship , has got those like hook points.

But I think if someone is kind and caring, And into you. I think you can make anything work. So, Imagine there was like a Molly Ali girl that was a bit nerdy and really kind and compassionate. Five foot four and under, and lived in London. Um, and [00:29:00] maybe wanted a family as well. Great. You know, that would tick all the boxes, but.

A relationship is much more than box ticking. So if they happen to be, you know, like somebody from South Africa that's white origin and is five six and maybe doesn't love math, but they're really kind, nice person we get on. Great. I'm sure it could work. So I'm open to anyone to be honest.

Julie George : Yeah, I think, I think dating within the culture is like a nice to have, but. I personally don't think it should be like a hard boundary or a hard constraint. I totally understand people's preferences around it, and I myself have similar preferences, but I also think that being completely closed off and having that be a hard constraint could mean missing out on exploring what could be meaningful once in a lifetime kind of connections and relationships, right?

Bobby Seagull: that's spot on. So in the US just is the South Asian community. Do they date quite exclusively within their own community, or is it much more diverse?

Julie George : I think [00:30:00] it's a mixed bag. I mean, I personally know a lot of South Asians who want to date exclusively within their culture, but I also know a lot that are open to dating outside. You know, I don't, don't really think we're like a monolith in that sense. I think it just kind of depends on the individual and what their, what their individual like preferences are.

Yeah, 

Bobby Seagull: interesting is wanna add? I wanna add to that Julie, in the uk like. Probably South Asian and even like if I specifically say ma culture, I think in the sort of naughties and nineties and naughties MAs sort of probably exclusively dated and admired MAs. But in the last 10 years you've seen people being much more open,

, to different , religions, different parts of India, different, you know, white British people, American people they meet in London.

So yeah, people are much more open, I think, now than , five, 10 years ago.

Julie George : , 

 On the show we see a very charming personality. You're obviously very intelligent and accomplished, and I know you kind of alluded to this before, but um, you were introduced on the show with a [00:31:00] clip. Where you said if someone wanted to write a PhD paper on the friend zoning business, I think I'd be the ultimate case study.

Just once. I need to not get into that zone. , and then, you know, as we watched the show, we watched the connection with Priya and that one essentially fizzled out where she basically, she said she wanted to stay friends with you. Um, so how have you kind of, you know, like how do you deal with that kind of.

Rejection in relationships

Bobby Seagull: So the way I see it is that it only needs to work correctly once.

If you fight one person, then it doesn't matter, like if I'm a friend zone kind of person, because you need one person and then hopefully for me, I've always considered if I get married, um, something like something terrible happens, 

I'll try to make it work for the rest of my life with that person. So once I, once I've signed, I've signed, I'm done. Uh, but obviously rejection hurts. But the thing with rejection is the more you get rejection in life, the more you're like, ah, another one. , but there can be like a weird [00:32:00] self-fulfilling prophecy because I've been, I get friend zoned a lot.

Often that's the excuse and not the excuse that's unfair. It's often that's the reason when people like after two, three dates, like, ah, it's not quite vibing. And they say, I see you more as a friend. I've had that so frequently. That's probably like 80 to 90% of the dates I go on ends up ending up in that zone, which is why I said I would be the ideal case study for a PhD thesis.

 You get used to it, but I think sometimes you might sabotage yourself. Well, I might sabotage myself because I think, oh, I'm gonna, is it gonna end up in the friend zone? So in the end, I just treat them like a friend and I know that, , there does need to be romance in it. And the weird thing is like, I think I am romantic, but maybe like in the early couple of dates, it can be quite hard to come across as romantic if you're really friendly and positive.

So I actually haven't been on a date since matchmaking, so maybe the next date I go on. Things. I think I could probably just be more successful by learning to keep my mouth shut just a bit more generally. That would, that would be a, that would be an achievement.

Julie George : Tell us a little bit about what [00:33:00] qualities you would value in a romantic partner and how that might be different from what you would look for in a friend.

Bobby Seagull: Oh yeah. This is really difficult because, For me, there's not like a major difference, obviously with the right person, you wanna start a family with them. And I'm not gonna start a family with my friends, but just, just really out there. But I think like the things I look for in my friends, I sort of look for in a partner, because obviously you want them to be your number one supporter.

Likewise, you'd be their number one supporter. You've got their back right till the end, someone that you're willing to do things. Like really cute things like, you know, if you know they, they've got a favorite band or they love a favorite meal, you do things for them to make their life better. maybe this is why I'm single because I struggle to see what additional things.

Obviously I'm not gonna go on like give my friends kisses in, you'd kiss your partner, but I just think. You'd be extra nice to your partner and always be willing to, I think having that dialogue. Cause obviously the reality is relationships is not [00:34:00] always perfect. Uh, and it never will be.

There'll always be ups and downs. But the thing that I'd like to think is that I've always been someone that's very open and honest about my feelings to myself and to other people. So I think with me, I'd won that constant dialogue. And again, I saw weird on Twitter, a few people said, oh, Bobby's a feminine.

I was like, what? So being in touch with your feelings is feminine. That's, that's a, do you wanna, that's a good trait. Yeah. I love my, I love playing football. I'm very competitive, but just because I'm not inverted, comma is a douchebag that doesn't make me feminine. I think it being a nice person is a good trait, but maybe in the early few dates, if I can, Yeah.

Not that I'm being nice, not nice, but just like curtail a bit of it because then people might get that bit of mystery, in the

early few dates

Julie George : . . Um, yeah, I, I like what you said that, you know, at the end of the day, dating is all a numbers game. You just need to keep going on dates until you find that Wow. One person, 

Bobby Seagull: Yes 

Julie George : so,

Um, let's see. . Uh, what is, like, what's next for [00:35:00] you? You know, , are you gonna be back on season four? I don't even know if there, I'm, I'm assuming there's gonna be a season four, but is there anything exciting that you can share with our audience?

That we can expect , ?

Bobby Seagull: So obviously they've had season three. Uh, there's been no news about season four, but as Sea Martin would say, the stars align. 

You know, there might be a season four, and if they do season four, if I'm still single, ideally I'd like not to be single if they, if they get season four, I hope I'm actually, I've met someone by them, but if I've not and they're interested, obviously I'd love to take part because , the more opportunities to expose yourself to people, potential partners, the better.

Um, So yes, in that respect, , and myself, like I think. I'd love to continue doing what I'm doing. I would say like a man and a math mission, trying to get people to love the subject. And the more things I do that increase my profile, the easier it is to connect with people to do programs.

And again, like I'm now currently writing a book for children on understanding money because I know that money is something that people find hard to understand. Yes. [00:36:00] Before I moved into. Teaching. I used to work in iBanking or me banking. I was a trader at Lehman Brothers, the US Bank, then a Japanese bank called Noora.

And I'm a chartered accountant, and that's very, and Indian Indians love the chartered accountant. I'm a

chartered accountant. 

Pwc. Yeah. Yeah. So I've got like, I've got all the ticks that, and that an Indian family would want for their son-in-law if anyone's listening out there. Um, so yeah, more television, more radio.

So I think like, I'd just love to do more public work. , being someone that's like a positive role model, again, like, not that Andrew Tate is like, I, I dunno any, I dunno too much about him, but he's seen as the epitome of like a toxic masculine role 

model. Um, and I'm not really watch this stuff, but if he is, I'd love to be someone that's the counter, like a

positive male role model.

Someone that's nice and kind and generous. Still ambitious and wants to succeed, but you can do it in a kind way.

Julie George : Yeah. . So, okay. Would you be open to, um, like working with [00:37:00] a matchmaker that's not on tv?

Bobby Seagull: Yes, I would. I would be open to. Working with matchmakers. I'm not on TV because again, I'm 39 now. I feel as if my life is, I really enjoy my . Life. My friends, my family, my work, the sports I do with activities and there's that one little bit missing is like a partner. So the more ways I can meet people, whether it's friends introduced me, whether it's online dating, whether it's matchmakers on tele or matchmakers in the real world, I'm always open.

Julie George : Yeah. And would you be open to leaving the UK.

Bobby Seagull: So this is one where it's a tough one because in fact, in matchmaking, Indian matchmaking, my first, one of my first criteria was they're kind, but the second one is like, get some of my family. So it would be, it would be difficult, but. Everything is possible. I, I always say like, I'm open to anything, so of course if the right person came along and happened to be in a different country, 

I think you should be open 

as a human being. [00:38:00] Again, for me, there's very few, what's the word? Like red constraints. Maybe if they're a smoker, I'm, I'm not a big fan of smokey this smoked, then maybe that, that might be a tricky one. But apart from that, like, yeah, I think, yeah, I'd be open.

Julie George : Deal breaker. I think deal breaker

Bobby Seagull: Deal break is the word. Yeah. Very few smokers maybe.

Julie George : Got it. Okay. You mentioned that you are a part-time math teacher. 

Um, and I know you mentioned that you, previously you were working in the financial sector, layman Brothers, you were a PWC for a while.

You're a chartered accountant, which I think in the US is the equivalent of a cpa.

Bobby Seagull: Yeah. Chartered public, public accounting. Yeah.

Julie George : yeah. Yeah. So like how and why did you make the transition from finance and banking into being a teacher?

Bobby Seagull: Yeah, so this was , a decision at the time that a lot of people did question. My family, we grew up, like I said, in a counselor state. Uh, I, I went to a public. and secondary school. In the uk we [00:39:00] call 'em state schools, so government funded and the age of 16. So just a bit about my story, I'll explain why I made the decision.

So at age of 16, I got a scholarship fully funded to Eaton College and Eaton College. The people in the states will know because Prince Harry was in the year below me.

At school. So it's like probably the most prestigious scholarship that you can get. Like E Eaton had like, has like 20 prime ministers.

They get like up to a hundred children into Oxford, Cambridge at the, the, the Ivy League in the uk. So I got a scholarship there. , and Prince, I, he was never my friend, but an acquaintance because we had mutual friends, we played football, uh, on opposing side. So if you're listening, prince Harry, Hey, from Bobby, I'm the guy that might have poked out your eyes a couple of times with my umbrella.

Anyway, so I apologize for that.

Um, so then, then initially I had a gap year working for kpmg, uh, accountants in London. But in my gap year when I was 18, I also, , spent three months doing youth work in Scotland. So working with disadvantaged children. So I've always had this passion for supporting disadvantaged, all, all young people in [00:40:00] particular.

Then I went to Oxford to do maths. Um, went to Royal Holloway, part of London University Maths and Economics. Then I started Lehman Brothers, a trader, and at the time I was my early twenties, I thought, By the time I'm 30, I'm gonna be a multimillionaire. I'm gonna be managing director, I'm gonna be CEO of the bank.

I was very ambitious. I'm, to be honest, anytime I've entered a career, I've always been polite and kind, but always ambitious. But when I was 30, so I, I was at PWC another time. I thought either I'd become a partner in a firm law, in an accounting firm, or join private equity and become like a captain of industry that, you know, one of those, like people that run like a fish finger chain, runs a supermarket, runs a shopping mall.

Like one of those like big, like captains of industry. Uh, but I took a mini sabbatical and normally Julie, when people take sabbaticals from. Accounting firms in London, they do the sort of sexy, cool thing. They go to New York or Sydney Johannesburg. Whereas I went and spent three months in the teaching and training department teaching new graduates.

And honestly, Judy, like I, I love my corporate job, but I absolutely adored the teaching, communicating ideas. [00:41:00] And they're young people. They're not children, but they're graduates. 21, 22. They all said to me, oh, Bobby, you are, you're so good at what you do. And I think I got some of the highest feedback ever at PWC for.

For teaching young people. And then I thought, actually, I'm good at this. And actually when I was 22, 23, Julie, I had set up a social enterprise. So a bit like a charity that supported six forms, so college students applying to college. And we supported thousands of students. Raised like more than a million pound sterling, or in fact earned a million pound study that we donated to charitable causes.

Um, so I've always had that passion for education supporting young people. So the age of 30 took a huge pay cut to, to go into teaching. And obviously people like Bobby are you, you know, are you saying, you know, you're forgoing, you know, earning millions of dollars to become or pounds to become a high school teacher.

But when I went into teaching, I did my teacher training in Cambridge, my master started my doctorate. But when I was doing my Master's again, my life changed. I was actually a head of departments, head of faculty. Quite young actually. My first year of teaching, I became head of faculty again, my super ambition in any [00:42:00] field I do is always ambitious, and I thought I'm gonna be a head teacher in a few years.

Super head teacher, maybe a government advisor in education. But I went on a game show called University Challenge and I, I think actually Julie, it's the world's longest running game show. It's been known since 1962. Like the likes of Steven Fry, who's probably quite a big thing in the us. Steven Fry is on it.

Um, so I was on it and then I went viral in my season for like my enthusiasm, my knowledge, the way I included my teammates and like UK celebrities were tweeting. Oh, what we see girls seem so cool. So the BBC gave me a, like a TV show and I still teach Ross. I think now I've got a dual career where I'm still an educator, but I'd love to combine that with.

Being someone that's an educator, like reaching audiences on a wider platform, and maybe again, doing a Netflix show means that I might be able to reach again, maybe Amazon Prime, Netflix doing like nerdy stuff on, on, not just UK platforms.

for me to get right. 

Julie George : Yeah. I love that Well, I know we are almost at the hour mark, but tell [00:43:00] people where they can find you. Like plug your Instagram, plug your other 

Bobby Seagull: Yeah. Thanks Yui. So generally social media is the best way. So I'm at Bobby underscore seagull, so b o B B y, underscore, S E A G U L L. So on Twitter, uh, I do a lot of tweeting. Instagram, um, I'm on, uh, TikTok started using TikTok. Uh, so it's early days. Uh, Facebook for like the uncles and aunties, that's Bobby Siegel, no underscore.

Um, and I'm also on YouTube, Bobby Siegal tv. So pretty much all the platforms and if anyone's professional, I'm on LinkedIn as well, so I'm name a platform, I'm on it. Uh, and generally I'm quite open to discussing on these platforms 

Julie George : yeah. Amazing. We'll go ahead and link all of that in the show notes. Um, Bobby, you are such a delight to watch on the show. You know, it's obvious that your students love you. It was really cool seeing your students on, on the show as well. Um, so yeah, thank you so much for coming on the show and [00:44:00] talking to us, and I'm so excited for our audience to hear this.

Bobby Seagull: thank you, Julie.